Randomly Funny — Someone You Know Emailed this to Me

Laugh at the 18 Unwritten Laws of Life

by RandomlyFunny on July 18, 2011

The 18 unwritten laws of life in 1 easy to read document. Where else can you find so much for so little and have a laugh? Read on. Laugh.

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch & you’ll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, or screw, when dropped will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal & someone always answers.

5. Doctors’ Law - If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor,and by the time you get there you’ll feel better. But don’t make an appointment, and you’ll stay sick. 6. Variation Law - If you change waiting lines or traffic lanes, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet, & who leave early. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies & stay to the bitter end of the performance.Aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy’s Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness & cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

16. Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.

17. Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

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Sixty Six Dinner Conversation Topics

by RandomlyFunny on June 5, 2011

Sixty six anecdotes to choose from before you go out to dinner with someone who usually has nothing to talk about.

If you are right handed, you will tend to chew your food on the right side of your mouth. If you are left handed, you will tend to chew your food on the left side of your mouth.
To make half a kilo of honey, bees must collect nectar from over 2 million individual flowers
Heroin is the brand name of morphine once marketed by ‘Bayer’.
Communications giant Nokia was founded in 1865 as a wood-pulp mill by Fredrik Idestam.
Tourists visiting Iceland should know that tipping at a restaurant is considered an insult!
People in nudist colonies play volleyball more than any other sport.
Albert Einstein was offered the presidency of Israel in 1952, but he declined.
Astronauts can’t belch – there is no gravity to separate liquid from gas in their stomachs.
Ancient Roman, Chinese and German societies often used urine as mouthwash.
The average person who stops smoking requires one hour less sleep a night.
The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows. In the Renaissance era, it was fashion to shave them off!
Because of the speed at which Earth moves around the Sun, it is impossible for a solar eclipse to last more than 7 minutes and 58 seconds.
The night of January 20 is “Saint Agnes’s Eve”, which is regarded as a time when a young woman dreams of her future husband.
There are over 25 million bubbles waiting to burst out of each bottle of Champagne
Google is actually the common name for a number with a million zeros
It takes glass one million years to decompose, which means it never wears out and can be recycled an infinite amount of times!
The heat of peppers is rated on the Scoville scale
Gold is the only metal that doesn’t rust, even if it’s buried in the ground for thousands of years
Your tongue is the only muscle in your body that is attached at only one end
If you stop getting thirsty, you need to drink more water. When a human body is dehydrated, its thirst
mechanism shuts off.
Each year 2,000,000 smokers either quit smoking or die of tobacco-related diseases.
When it originally appeared in 1886 – Coca Cola was billed as an Esteemed Brain Tonic and Intellectual Beverage.
Zero is the only number that cannot be represented by Roman numerals
Kites were used in the American Civil War to deliver letters and newspapers.
The song, Auld Lang Syne, is sung at the stroke of midnight in almost every English-speaking country in the world to bring in the new year.
For every real Christmas tree harvested, two to three seedlings are planted in its place.
Drinking water after eating reduces the acid in your mouth by 61 percent
Peanut oil is used for cooking in submarines because it doesn’t smoke unless it’s heated above 450°F
The Shell Oil Company originally began as a novelty shop in London that sold seashells
The roar that we hear when we place a seashell next to our ear is not the ocean, but rather the sound of blood surging through the veins in the ear.
Nine out of every 10 living things live in the ocean
The banana cannot reproduce itself. It can be propagated only by the hand of man
Airports at higher altitudes require a longer airstrip due to lower air density
Fish and Chip selling officially remained an offensive trade until 1940 due to the smell it produces
The University of Alaska spans four time zones
The tooth is the only part of the human body that cannot heal itself.
In ancient Greece , tossing an apple to a girl was a traditional proposal of marriage. Catching it meant she accepted.
Do you know the names of the three wise monkeys? They are: Mizaru(See no evil), Mikazaru(Hear no evil)
and Mazaru(Speak no evil).
Warner Communications paid $28 million for the copyright to the song Happy Birthday.
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
A comet’s tail always points away from the sun
The Swine Flu vaccine in 1976 caused more death and illness than the disease it was intended to prevent
Caffeine increases the power of aspirin and other painkillers, that is why it is found in some medicines.
The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when knights in armor raised their visors to reveal their identity.
If you get into the bottom of a well or a tall chimney and look up, you can see stars, even in the middle of the day.
When a person dies, hearing is the last sense to go. The first sense lost is sight
Trivia in Roman mythology was the goddess who haunted crossroads, graveyards and was the goddess of
sorcery and witchcraft. She wandered about at night, and was seen only by the barking of dogs who told of her approach.
In ancient times strangers shook hands to show that they were unarmed
Strawberries are the only fruits whose seeds grow on the outside
Avocados have the highest calories of any fruit at 167 calories per hundred grams
It cost the soft drink industry $100 million a year for thefts committed involving vending machines
The moon moves about two inches away from the Earth each year
The Earth gets 100 tons heavier every day due to falling space dust
Due to earth’s gravity it is impossible for mountains to be higher than 15,000 meters
Men’s shirts have the buttons on the right, but women’s shirts have the buttons on the left
Mickey Mouse is known as ”Topolino” in Italy
Soldiers do not march in step when going across bridges because they could set up a vibration which could be sufficient to knock the bridge down
The painting that won second place in a competition held by the US National Academy of Design was hanging upside down when it was judged
Everything weighs one percent less at the equator
For every extra kilogram carried on a space flight, 530 kg of excess fuel are needed at lift-off
The letter J does not appear anywhere on the periodic table of the elements.
And last but not least:
In 2011, July has 5 Fridays, 5 Saturdays, and 5 Sundays. This apparently happens once every 823 years!

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New Book for Men to Understand Women

by RandomlyFunny on May 24, 2011

Finally, here is a book to help men understand women better.

Let me know if you need a copy!

The book of understanding women

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Learn Chinese in Five Minutes

by RandomlyFunny on May 11, 2011

Learn Chinese in 5 minutes! (say it out loud)

1. That’s not right
(Sum Ting Wong)

2. See me ASAP
(Kum Hia Nao)

3. Small horse
(Tai Ni Po Ni)

4. You need a facelift
(Chin tu fat)

5. I thought you were on a diet
(Wai Yu Mun Ching)

6. He’s cleaning the car
(Wa Shing Ka)

7. Your body odor is offensive
(Yu Stin Ki Pu)

8. This is a tow away zone
(No Pah King)

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Makes No Sense

by RandomlyFunny on May 2, 2011

Only in America …….do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America …..do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.

Only in America …..do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America ……do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America ……….do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight..

Only in America …..do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER …

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why can’t women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?

Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

I like this one!!!

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Now that you’ve smiled at least once, it’s your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)…in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.

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